Pave the Way Stories

Support Circles - A regional story

Jane lives in a small community 400km west of Brisbane, a community she came to as a young mother ten years ago.  Many of her family members and dear friends are scattered across Australia and the world but that did not stop Jane from finding a way to start a support circle around her daughter Sarah.

Jane thought through how to bridge the huge distances between her and many in her network.  Jane proposed to her potential group that they meet less frequently than might usually be the case and instead meet every 3 months, and to make a weekend of it.  This way, they would be able to have a focused and purposeful meeting while also having the opportunity for old friends to catch up and have some fun.  They all agreed and more than 3 years later, Sarah's circle is made up of friends and family from Goondiwindi, Brisbane, Roma, the Gold Coast Hinterland, Gympie and Toowoomba.  The cirlce also goes to Melbourne, British Virgin Islands and Malanda via email.

Not everyone can make it every time, but most people are there at least twice a year.  Those who cannot get there are sometimes asked for input into the agenda beforehand.  One of the circle members rings into the meetings using Skype when she is unable to be physically there.  Others are kept in the loop with copies of the notes taken at the meetings.  Some close friends who live abroad also receive the notes and provide feedback.

As the meetings are less frequent, Jane will sometimes email the group in between the circle meetings with questions around decisions she is contemplating.  Recently Sarah had the opportunity to go to Cairns to visit family members, but would need to fly unaccompanied to meet them.  Jane knew that other kids Sarah's age were taking trips with support from cabin crew but wondered whould Sarah be okay to do the same?  She was worried that Sarah was particularly vulnerable and questioned if she would be putting Sarah in an uncomfortable position by sending her alone.  Jane sought advice from the circle members via emails and the advice flowed back in a sensible and sensitive stream and as a result, Jane was able to make a decision she was comfortable with.

Recently, a new facilitator joined the circle and the circle group asked Jane to reflect on why the circle has been important to her family.  Jane writes:

The circle has been the most positive and powerful thing that Sarah and I have done as far as support is concerned.  Asking people to be a part of the circle was the first step and it wasn't easy.  I wanted to have people who would think outside the square, who have Sarah's best interests at heart and who would give me the balance of society and how things really are.  So, picking friends who cared about Sarah, some who really had no idea about our lives until the circle, but who I knew cared for Sarah.

A few very important people to us live far away, so I needed to find a way to involve them, despite the distance.  It took me 18 months to put my best friend Penny on the email list.  Penny and I talked often and we talked about the things I talked with circle members about, so it made sense to include her on the cirlce email list, so that she is kept in the loop and can contribute to the discussions we have.  She would have been one of the first people I would have asked if we lived close, so we just had to work out how to make it happen.  The sam applied to my sister who lives in Melbourne.

It's a matter of thinking creatively and, as parents we really do that every day anyway and just don't realise it.

I feel that we have all got so much from the circle.  Every meeting we all learn something new and new friendships have formed.  When Sarah and I sit in the circle meeting we feel such a strong force.  It has given us so much strength to work towards a real life for both of us and our family.

I would like to thank Pave the Way for the opportunity to have a circle.

Good luck to those starting their circle journey.  It is the best journey Sarah and I have been on with support.

As Jane and Sarah's story demonstrates, there are obvious issues around establishing and maintaining a support circle in more remote areas, but by talking those issues through and some creative thinking, a solution probably can be found.